5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I look better un-naked...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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