Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
