Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
