i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
