I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
