That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
