cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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