God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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