my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
