I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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