Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
