Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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