did you get engaged???
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
