Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
