i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
