i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
