I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
