I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
