well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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