I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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