Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
