She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
