did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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