You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
