"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize