he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
