Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
