Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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