To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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