bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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