i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
