That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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