it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
