she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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