Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face