Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?