So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
