All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize