my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.