Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?