the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.