just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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