this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
