Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..