I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
