Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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