She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
