Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
