Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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