My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
