Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
