didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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