Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
