Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
