i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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