Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
