honey bunches of taint.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
