____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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