i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize