someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
