why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't notice because vodka
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
