I faked an abortion last night.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
