first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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