We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
