does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
