I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
...so i touched it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pants are for mortals
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
