Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't deserve a penis
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
