cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
