dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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