so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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