Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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