so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
