I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
