and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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