cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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