Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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