i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
