bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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