it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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